“We degenerate into hideous puppets, haunted by the memory of the passions of which we were much afraid, and the exquisite temptations that we had not the courage to yield to.”

Oscar Wilde

I actually like the timing of this quote. Hope you also enjoy it as much as I do. Good day!

Go Have Some Fun Baby!

I hate to say this but somehow the ugliness inspired me again to write down something. Don't really even want to talk about it as such but need to say it too somehow.

Today, I gave a lil piece of my mind to my sis who eventually ends up saying "Haan mujhay pata hai. Itna tou mujhay bhi pata hai" but when it has all already happened :o

I was telling her how somebody's friends ended up putting some ridiculously wrong sense into an old man that he should go have some fun baby with (and this is the most important part here) people who don't give a flying fuck about him anyway. But yeah you want to be deceived again and again that oh you're so damn desirable.

WRONG Ideas I must add. Sometimes your friends can really lie to you and you end up being a fool. Anyway, I don't pity the fool also in this case. All this just summed up very simply that things do change no matter how stuck up you are and eventually you would get to know this...if it had to happen by being ridiculous by all means.

Anyway, this was just one of the things I was thinking. Apart from that today I had the urge to delete a few people from my circle. People who are there just increasing the number and whom I hardly know and might meet up once later and probably exchange a hello and not a word more. I might still delete them...tomorrow if not tonight. Just find it a burden.

Also, without going into a lot of other details I was just telling Nadzy that no matter how much we try to make it work for ourselves...just some of the most important concerns that we have, which we do forget most of the times, still we don't really. And that ultimately, we are losers in this context. I don't find any other word. Had there been some improvement, I would use some other word. But then that's how I feel. Others don't think this is how we should put it.

My boss says after doing bungy jump I need to set my priorities straight and work on 2 things only. I don't somehow look at things that way :) My definition of things is slightly different perhaps.

But now I go back to where I started...I am amazed at those blind dogs who thought it was so easy to have the fun they had in mind. What were they really thinking. They need to have some doggy biscuits to think straight I guess.

I badly have the urge to say this…

Smoking is something that I have always enjoyed but I never smoke like crazy. Even when I have been down, cigarettes haven’t been my refuge ever. For the heck of fun, I might have had more than one pack with my pals but that must have happened long time ago.

Today I had this entire pack as I haven’t been able to face what has happened. I never thought I would behave in this manner after the death of my pet. I have been smoking for almost 20 years...yeah I was too young (literally a kid) when I started but I never thought bad of it as I saw both my parents smoking.

I’ve also observed that people (mostly women) have huge problems with others who smoke. And the rotten opinion is that females who smoke are of course nothing short of slut. I think somehow people have very closed minds. What they do themselves is okay but what others do…they find fault in it. Nobody has the right to judge anyone but everyone does that. Which is why I have the urge to say something…It’s like I don’t fuck around but I do smoke & I kind of like it. And I think fuckers & smokers should be put in different slots, cause we smokers have standards.

Ugh, ugh, ugh!

I haven’t been able to sleep & I don’t feel like Facebooking either. Anyhow today I made a discovery. It’s about human smell. This one doesn’t kill but believe me, I wouldn’t want to experience it again. So in a way, you can call me the Christopher Columbus of insaani badboo.

And who are these culprits? Women observing Burqa! They have this distinctive odor that almost kills. And it’s similar. We encountered 4, 5 ladies & they all smelled like shit. Even shit is better, cause I clean the mess of my cats every day & I never have the urge to puke.

I wouldn’t say like millions of Pakistanis that these people don’t have any concept of deodorant. These women don’t wash their clothes actually. That’s my humble conclusion. And I think all those other people who stink, they also don’t wash their clothes. We all have heard that cleanliness is next to godliness & yet these burqa clad women who wouldn’t have any problem in calling anyone kafir smell so bad. And you know what this is not the 1st time I have noticed this.

It’s a little easier for me to talk about shit, fart, piss & any kind of silent killer as I have 3 brothers. And my elder brothers also wrote poems on such topics. Unfortunately I don’t have their sense of humor or talent but nevertheless I think I can talk on sensitive topics.

Does time really heal?

Today I woke up a little early than usual & I went for shopping. For a long time, I thought shopping was the answer to everything. But it is not. A friend of mine said that I must look out for the signs & I could see Fluffy. I went to water someone’s plant in Fairy Land & that fairy’s name was Fluffy. I also met a lady in the book shop who inquired about Fluffy as she saw him in the clinic. I heard his song in one of the shops.

Whenever I think about his surgery, innumerable check-ups, irritating lab tests etc etc, I get pissed off. Even when Princey died, I did complain that we don’t have ICU for animals. We love our pets but we can’t take care of them the way professionals could after a surgery.

Although now we are just left with memories but some memories are extremely painful. I can’t even look at his pics as every time I do, I end up crying. I did change my display pic also a couple of times but then I wasn’t even happy with that change.

A couple of times, I call Mickey Fluff by mistake. I used to call Fluffy ‘ma fluffa toy’ & today I even called out another cat in the same manner.

And now he is reduced to a sign. Quite frankly, I don’t know if time heals the wounds, cause I still can’t get over Princey & Tokyo, & now Fluffy too is added to the list.

When I Stopped Searching...

I wanted to write about this friend of mine I met sometime ago. I think I have said this a couple of times before as well that since I was a kid I had bitchy, mean friends. As I grew up, I did make some good friends but only for a little time. And they didn't last long. They just ended slowly and gradually as we grew up. And I don't miss them at all either.

But then I stopped looking around for "good friends". There was nothing of the sort if one starts searching really. And then I started meeting people who actually became some of the most adorable friends. So, I am gonna write a bit about one of them today.

Starting off with Ahmad Bilal - my oldest chat friend :) I think it's been almost eight years now since we have known each other. I met him randomly on that GIKI chat room. And we instantly became good friends. About him, I have to carve it out that he is actually the most decent man I have known so far. I know for a fact he is a genius at his work. I love his paintings and music. I still have a few of the music work he shared with me. Brilliant stuff!

We did talk a lot earlier when I was in university. We had more time. Had a lot of fun. Bitching out is so much fun with him. There was this time that some people got me and Nadira blocked on orkut because we used to talk on a community there. So, Ahmad posted my speech there lol. It was hilarious.

Also, all these years he is the only person who has consistently stayed there practically all ears listening to my love life and not so progressive developments. But he has been kind enough to guide me forever. Once upon a time I was madly in love with someone and I was MAD lol so I just ended up deleting everyone from my orkut circle. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. But he simply added me back again lol. I can say for sure that he has been there for me much more than I have been around to help him out. I can not Delete him ever like I can with others. That option is so not there.

And the funny thing is we have never met and we never talked to each other on the phone as well even when he visits Lahore time and again. But we have never really bothered about it either I guess.

After all these years, I just wanted to thank him for being around all this while. I am so glad that he is my friend!

Now that the week is almost over...

This past one week our entire blog has seen many pictures and posts on Fluffy. Nanny Nadzy has indeed missed him terribly and has written a lot about him. Imagine how much she has been thinking if she has written so much.

I, on the other hand have been dreading the week all along. I hated that Sunday. I did feel he would die that day. And since that day I was hating every day. I just wished this week would end soon. I was finding every day miserable. I still do.

Everyday, I would go to work, get busy, laugh, eat etc etc. I didn't let people see how much I was hurt. People at work made fun anyway. They can't really understand how we treat them as kids. So, I didn't even mind anything. I expect nothing of that sort so there is no reaction either.

Anyway, the moment I stepped into my house I plunged into a depression. I would look at different corners of the house where he sat or slept.The memories keep coming back. When I look at his pics, I end up crying. It might sound funny and ridiculous to many, but for me he was really like a little brother. I loved him just the way I would love a real human brother. He was just very special. And I miss him a lot. And I know Nadzy and Ammi miss him much more.

I really wanted the week to get over...but now that it's been 5 days, I still don't see any change. In fact, all this makes me fear about losing other things as well. So, it's just that...I need more time.